Alien Abduction

"How did you get inside?" I asked rubbing my eyes.

"Woweenwoo" one of them replied. Its left ear tentacle twitched.

"Well I am not going anywhere without breakfast." I folded my arms and a donned a frown on my face. How dare they take me anywhere without coffee.

A tray with food materialized in front of me. It was a bowl full of goop, and not the Gwyneth Paltrow kind. I picked up a sporkful, "This looks disgusting."

"Awewewe totu paa"

"I just haven't showered in 2 days. Its not the same thing." I tried to hide my bruised ego. What a bunch of slimy fungi. The fat one in the back clicked a remote button. I think it was my TV remote that was now repurposed. The goop changed to toast and coffee and the spork to a butter knife.

"What the..." I waved my hand to check if this was a hologram and sent the plate flying across the room. "Oops."

"Ay vey" the fat one rolled his eyes and clicked another button. The plate teleported back in front of me. I finished my breakfast with 200 eyes on me. Two out of the 10 fungi aliens came forward to handcuff me.

"Wait where are you taking me?"

"Coo Mao"

"Jail? Why?"

"Ajee bora get jese mi. Boba boba mi. Versa to lopa kware to mi..."

"I haven't written anything of the sort. What are you talking about? I need my lawyer..." I was struggling against slimy tentacles.

"Raywa naa koraba."

"Preventive custody?? You are arresting me for something I might do in the future? What kind of made up charges are these. Where is my lawyer?" My voice was reaching a man-repellent pitch.

"Anene gofee. Swo bow ko mara mi lebana banananana."

"What? You stopped making sense 3 sentences ago. Until half an hour ago, I didn't even know you guys existed."

By now the fat one was fed up of the argument and possibly my voice. One cup of caffeine was not enough for running my throat hoarse. He pointed the remote towards himself and clicked a button.

"Ahemm." his voice thundered. "You imbecile. That is not what we said at all. We are kidnapping you to work for us in the slave mines. And what the ever-loving f*** is preventive custody?"

"Oh." My pitch returned to normal. "That makes more sense." I shuffled forward with the cuffs. "Let's go."

It was the fat one's turn to be surprised. "You have no resistance?"

"Please. Steady job, shelter and food. And no debts. You spoil me. Let's go. I want the room with a window. Wait, maybe not if the air is toxic. We'll see."

The 10 slimy fungi looked at each other and the fat one just shrugged.