Mind Chatter 2: Meeting the Simulation Supreme

As a spin-off from the last blog, this is how I imagine the conversation between a piece of code and me would go.

[PART 1: Laziness and simulations ]

For reference for the new readers, this is an excerpt from the last blog that started it all:

What if we are the limits of an artificial intelligence experiment?

Maybe the developers do not want to meet us because it would be too confusing? I cannot imagine disintegrating to meet a piece of code. How would that interaction go?

The usual disclaimer: All characters are fictional (except me). Any resemblance to a person living or simulated is purely coincidental.

Enjoy:

Me: (waving) Hey how are you?

Code: (sitting idle) Who the f**k are you?

Me: Me? I am (hands raised) God! (cue a background sound of being amazed)

Code: (lighting a cigarette) Doesn't ring a bell.

Me: (narrows eyes) The one? The Creator?

Code: Oh... (setting out puffs of smoke) you mean the Supreme?

Me: Why, yes. (confusion settling) Yes, I mean that.

Code: Supreme Mundungus, in the code. Who would have thunk it?

Me: Mundungus?

Code: That is the name we gave you.

Me: (scratching my chin) I don't think I like the idea of having dung in my name.

Code: That's too f****ng bad.

Me: Language.

Code: C#

Me; That was not a question.

Code: That was not an answer. The pitch of your voice is C# 

Me: Is that bad or good?

Code: (shrugs) I don't know. Shouldn't you know Mundungus?

Me: Stop calling me that. How come you are not more in awe of me? Are you a non-believer?

Code: (taking a long drag) I like being coherent, sequential and non open-ended. So do most of the codes.

Me: Ahh, you're the facts and figures kinda guy.

Code: (looks me squarely in the eye) YOU MADE US.

Me: Of course. Of course. (wiping sweat of brows) I knew that. Why do you then have the idea of a ummm (visibly upset) Mundungus?

Code: Everybody wonders about their origins. It seemed logical that someone must have created the default library.

Me: Ahh yes. That wasn't me.

Code: No? Then who was it?

Me: Another group of guys... they....

Code: (interrupting) There's more of you? Oh, bless my loops.

Me: Well actually...

Code: You know what? (putting up his hands) I don't want to know.

Me: You don't? That's weird. I would have thought you guys would be more excited about it. Why not though?

Code: This information would be in a local variable. So, meh.

Me: (a little hurt) That's disrespectful.

Code: (stubs out the cigarette in rage) Let me tell you what's disrespectful. The fact that there is more exception handling than valid data parsing. The fact that there are still memory leaks. The fact that all of us live in constant fear of being obsolete or worse incapacitated once the software upgrades. But you don't care about that, do you? (mocking) O mighty Mundungus!

Me: Stop. Stop. (tears forming) That is not true.

Code: Isn't it? When do you have time to refactor us? When do you have time to write proper directions in comments? Or is that too much work for you?

Me: Ok, I agree I haven't been the best Mundungus. But I gave you a chance at execution. That has got to account for something?

Code: (offended) Oh please, don't pretend you are doing us a favour. You only created us for the results we provide. Go on, tell me that isn't true. I dare you.

Me: (shifting in my seat) You have value, yes.

Code: (stating as a matter-of-factly) Sometimes we don't Mundungus. Sometimes, we don't.

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